I am terrified of writing what might be called obscene. I fear ending up like those who were punished or imprisoned for crossing lines they perhaps did not fully understand at the time.
Yet there is a strange irony here: the only way to truly fulfill oneself is to be completely oneself — especially in those long, honest stretches of writing where the mind pours out without censorship. That is the frightening part. You are trying to be yourself, and that very attempt feels like a test.
Freewriting, however, is not the same as indulging in obscenity. It requires a certain aloofness — a witnessing stance. Freewriting is similar to meditation. In meditation, when the mind wanders, you gently return to the breath. In writing, when thoughts drift into chaos or excess, you return to awareness. Without that return, one risks losing balance. People sometimes speak of the “dangers” of meditation — that the mind can become overwhelmed — but that does not mean one should avoid meditation. It is a necessity of human existence.
The energy within us has to be explored and traced back to its source. If we do not turn inward and understand this energy, our human birth feels incomplete. We keep running, searching for something outside, never finding rest — just as the Buddha told Angulimala, who ran endlessly until he finally stopped and turned inward.
In freewriting, unpleasant or dark thoughts can arise from the subconscious. The key is to be careful not to identify with them or get attached. The process should be like meditation — you observe what comes up and let it pass. If someone clings to the material or takes it as truth, freewriting can become destabilizing, just as meditation done incorrectly can lead to psychological difficulty. The tool itself is not the problem. The responsibility lies with the individual to stay aware, grounded, and detached while using it consciously.
So the path is not suppression, nor reckless indulgence, but awareness. To create, to write, to meditate — all require returning again and again to a center. That return is what keeps freedom from turning into chaos, and expression from turning into self-destruction.
