Show your love. Don't hide it under a mask like honey inside a
piece of rock.
I hear this message often now. I heard this first from the mystic, Mata Amritanandamayi. Psychology authors also endorse this(James
Pennebaker- in his book Opening up- the
healing power of expressing emotions, talks of the value of expressing emotions
by writing them).
All
my life, I had been growing inside a cocoon, not showing emotions, like the tennis legend Bjorn Borg who wore a steely mask on court, my teenage icon. I too learnt to wear
a mask. Even if I felt like crying or laughing or showing anger, I wouldn’t. I
might want to, but it was frightening to let go.
I
understand most people do the same. There are very few who let go, and be their own
selves, though we hear this advice often.
Nobody
wants to be thought of as a crank.
This takes a heavy toll on our health—and our relationships. Fathers and sons
never get to know each other really well, and to trust each other.
We
are mortally afraid of having eye contact with our kith and kin for a longer
duration, for fear of showing our inner selves, perhaps.
Marina Abramovic’s
example
In
this video, you can see artist Marina Abramovic. She talks of her mother who
never hugged or kissed her, and never expressed any warm emotions. It was the height
of the Nazi invasion of her homeland (then Yugoslavia), and the times were
tough. Her mother did it because she did not want to ‘spoil’ her.
Sadly,
Marina never got to experience a motherly hug or kiss even though she
deeply craved for it all her life.
She
grew up to become a pioneering new age artist, breaking down the concepts of
traditional art.
Sometimes
she ventured near the extremely dangerous. You can see the effects of her sad childhood
in her performances. In an effort to transcend human barriers, she once
enclosed herself in a burning Star of David, engraved on the ground. By the end
of the performance, the intense heat and the noxious fumes from the gasoline
rendered her unconscious. She was saved at the last moment by someone in the audience
who noticed her lying still.
Now
65 years of age, she visits a relative in Belgrade in the video. In the course
of the interview, the relative tells her the reason for her mother’s emotional
aloofness and how her life was a sacrifice for her country and people.
Marina
is shattered to learn that her mother was, in fact a very emotional person, who
had been constrained by her conditioning. She had kept every single paper cutting
of Marina’s performances, from the beginning to the day she died.
Unfortunately,
Marina would see them only after her mother died. If only she had known, she would
have related in a completely different way to her, and it could have prevented
so much pain.
Nature resonates with her
pain?
The
part after 8:50 in the video is specially worth watching.
Marina
breaks down at her Mother’s grave, and recites a few lines:
“Dear Mother,
I didn’t understand you
as a child;
I didn’t understand you
as a student;
I didn’t understand you
as an adult;
Until now, in my 66 years
of life,
It (your love) starts shining in
the full light,
Like the sun that
suddenly appears behind grey clouds
After rain”
Let's not hold hidden our feelings for our loved ones. Just as loving thoughtful actions, a smile or a hug can also mean a lot.
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