Overcoming Resentment and Other Negative Feelings-1

When misfortunes strike us, our first reaction is non-comprehending surprise. Then we think: why me? Why did it have to happen to me? Why was I fired? Why did I have to face indignity?

A lot of energy is expended in this way. It clouds our judgment and the way we interact with others, and prospective positive outcomes can be lost on us. Who wants to deal with an unsmiling, resentful, angry person who is so hung up on his past misfortunes that you can’t entrust an enterprise or responsibility to him? You wouldn’t, if I were to react with suspicion to your offer of help.

Too often we find people licking their old wounds long after the unfortunate incident has passed, holding grudges, spreading rumors about the accused perpetrator, and in general seething with anger and sometimes going to the extent of wreaking vengeance.

These actions may provide a temporary sense of relief, a vent; however in reality they are conditioning us to react to future incidents in the same immature way, for life is unpredictable and no one can think it is going to be a bed of roses. And people are of all kinds—kind, vicious, gentle, spiteful, opportunistic, cheating, vengeful, proud, slighting, unfaithful, lazy, irresponsible, loving, truthful, dishonest, loyal… You have a kaleidoscope open; that is what makes life interesting isn’t it?

But our issue is how to deal with the misfortunes and injustice meted that we may have to face sometime. And how to come out of it unruffled, like the feathers of a bird, on which water drops don’t stay, but roll off.

If we had the detachment to let these issues just roll off our mind, we could come out of potential disasters smelling like a rose.

I had to confront many bullying personalities at work and in personal life. I couldn’t stand up to them and would seethe for months and sometimes years.

But when I learnt of how to face situations without getting agitated, it was a different story altogether. I could pass through these situations, or, let them pass through me, without any negative residue.

For instance, when in college, I used to go by bus. The bus staff did not like students as they have concession, they could make more money by letting an adult passenger on that spot. On one day, I was getting off the bus at my college stop. The cleaner put his hand across the doorway, blocking the path so that I had to duck beneath it. It was a deliberate insult. There was nobody else in the bus. After getting down, I considered the situation. I could tell my friends in the college union and have the fellow dealt with properly. But such incidents have gone out of control and resulted in road blocking, stone pelting, bashing up the bus staff, and sometimes, buses being burnt up.

Instead, I tried to reason with myself. I did not lose anything here. I could think of him as a poor, uncultured, boor who did not know how to give respect and get respect. And now, the incident is long over, now I am being miserable by bringing it up and agonizing over it. Coming to think of it, you wouldn't expect a buffalo to give way to you, if ever you were to cross one’s path, would you? But let such thoughts be private.

I decided I would not follow his example and took slow, deep breaths. These helped me relax and detach. I soon forgot all about this incident and was back to normal.

Try to see the present moment, feel the present moment. That is to say, feel the breeze, feel your breath, feel the ground beneath your shoes, feel your stomach rising and falling with each breath. Gradually try to be aware of your feelings and thoughts. It is possible to be aware of each of our thoughts, even fluttering of eyelids.

When you notice a negative emotion, just watch it without critiquing or judging it, just note, I am angry, anger is arising. Breathe. Breathe into your stomach. Breathe through the feeling. And continue to observe it. Now you have unknowingly distanced yourself from the emotion. You will find it has lost its intensity and grip on you.

You have become calmer and can now think objectively.

This is an absolutely needed skill because many people behave irrationally nowadays.

Part 2 of this article.
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Shortcuts to Success

Do we need to work all the time to succeed ?

What if we are already working all the time? Our minds are never idle, thoughts race through them all day, even in sleep. So nobody can be called idle. Not even the loafer who just eats, drinks, and sleeps and does nothing else all day.

From childhood, we are exhorted to never sit idle, to always be engaged in work. I want to make a point that our notion of industriousness needs a slight modification. The thoughts racing in our mind are involuntary. Involuntary thoughts also need exertion. That is why we get stress (Stress is the result of involuntary thoughts-Hans Selye)

So if we are already working all the time, why are we not getting desired results? This is because our thoughts are scattered. Recall the lens which can create fire using sunlight. The same sunrays when not focused cannot ignite anything.

Focus is the lens which creates results from our thoughts. Focus makes thoughts unidirectional (in a single direction). If we do not focus, all our thought energy is going to waste being frittered way in multiple pursuits, leading to nowhere. Have you timed yourself how long you can stick to a task as simple as watching a youtube video? A recent study revealed that 90 % viewers watch a video in full only if it is 10 seconds long. Only 9.42% of viewers watched in full if it was a 5 min. long video. (See bottom for source)

It is much less with our minds. We may have multiple thoughts in one second. Studies estimate a human being to have around 40,000 thoughts per day; however, the actual figure could be many times that. Each thought is composed of several other thoughts. Some may last only micro seconds.

He is successful who can make each thought last for several seconds; to begin with, this is the aim of concentration.

What happens when we align our thoughts in a single direction? They gain in power and intensity. They can burn away problems and obstacles and reveal solutions and ideas and opportunities that we never knew existed. They can bring out latent powers inside us, that we never believed in.

All great achievers in all fields-be it industry, business, politics, arts, or literature-could concentrate their thoughts calmly for long periods of time.

Therefore we only have to change the direction of our thoughts to succeed-change negative thoughts into positive, constructive thoughts,  disbelieving thoughts into those of belief and affirmation, scattered thoughts into those of a single direction and focus.

The study on Youtube viewers' attention span is here :http://philcooke.com/online_attention_span/)
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What to Do When Depressed / Bored / Lethargic ?

All of us know strategies for succeeding in life. You might have shelves full of how-to books on all aspects of life. They require us to follow certain steps in a certain way to be successful. For example, to achieve your goal through affirmations, you are asked to write your affirmation several times everyday.

However, what do we do when we are in the blues ? You just don’t feel like making that effort. Sometime back, I wanted to rise early at 5 the morning. I tried everything, buying fancy sonic shaker alarms that would shake me awake. However, I found myself switching off the alarm and going back to sleep.

Or perhaps you are feeling depressed after some setbacks in business or career or relationships or your health. You don’t feel motivated to do anything. Advice given at this point may make us feel more negative and resentful.

There is a way out of this gloomy mental state. It originates in the mind, so the solution is in the mind. You only need to repeat some affirming phrases to yourself, wherever you are-even if slumped in bed under the blankets.

   I accept myself!

          I approve of myself!

I love myself!

I help myself!

Let’s take a practical application: you have an exam tomorrow and you haven’t prepared well enough, you don’t feel motivated to take up the challenge and burn the midnight oil.

Just repeat the above thoughts to yourself as many times as possible.

    I accept myself!

           I approve of myself!
I love myself!

I help myself!

Slowly, you can feel hope rising with in, belief in yourself will start coming back, and you feel motivated and energized to take action.

Along with that, I have also found this affirmation very helpful. The French psychotherapist Émile Coué developed it :

Every day, in every respect, I am getting better and better !

These two techniques combined give wings to surmount any depression and heartache caused by negativity –whether in our mind or from others. But we would be better off keeping the depression far away, by engaging in constant activity. As the saying goes...Idle mind is the Devil's workshop and Flowing water remains fresh and free of worms.

Activity is the best known cure for depression and other negative moods.

Related:
How to have Hope
Hope For The Suicide-Prone: Perspectives From The Other Side

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