The thirst to be loved

Most of us have had a hard time adjusting to the demands and fluctuations of our spouses.Sometimes, they just seem unreasonable.We find it difficult to think calmy and level headed, and would like to retaliate,just to get even.

Often we ignore the prompting from within and act rashly.And we regret.Small differences of opinion escalate into arguments, quarrels and conflicts.All because we did not pause to listen.To our own inner guide.Does not that still small voice inside you tell you to wait?

It is hard not to retaliate when you are hurt by cruel words.We are surrounded by such a world. A retaliatory world.The governments, the judiciaries and the entire world acts out their hatred of evil by hating it more, by punishing it.The Gandhis,the Martin luther kings and the Mother Teresas did their best.Perhaps their efforts have not gone to waste.The fact that sane voices still remain here, proves it.

Gandhi used to say:If all of us lived by the rule an eye for an eye, we would all soon be blind.

In the middle of an argument, when you are getting excited, please wait.If you will wait a few minutes, or if possible, a few hours before reacting on impulse, it will be something that you will be glad that you did.

Deep, slow breathing helps to quieten emotions.Counting the breaths and holding to a small count(say 4 or 6) is effective in calming the mind.Do not overdo it.A few rounds will be enough.

Deep within, we are all children who lost the oasis of unconditional love somewhere in our early childhood.Some of us may never have known such an oasis exists.

Remember, your spouse is also a lost child like yourself.He/She is probably expressing a longing for unconditional love from deep within.Try to awaken that feeling of love and consideration inside of yourself, and give love, without expecting. See what happens !

The Head or the heart?

We have a saying in Kerala: when the head is still there, the tail need not rule. The head is place highest on the human body. Every other organ – hands, heart, legs and genitals are below the head. Does this indicate a superiority of the head over the other organs?

Normally we have the higher authority seated at a higher level than his subordinates. If you follow any office seating hierarchy (take, a court for example).The judge is the supreme authority. He is seated at the highest level. The Indian parliament may be the only office where the ruling speaker is seated at a lower level. (Does this explain the unruly scenes that we have in parliaments?)

Apart from these considerations of higher placement, let us see what will happen if the other organs are allowed to indulge as they like, without giving due thought? Obviously, when a man has too many drinks, his intellect is warning him: do not drink. You have to drive. If he doesn’t listen and goes on drinking, he is exposed to a greater danger of a car crash. The reflexes will not be fast enough.

This applies to every other action. Our actions have to be guided by our intellect. This is particularly true so in interpersonal relations. We may have conflicts in our relations. If we react at the level of the heart, that is, just emotionally, we are likely to get caught up in a mess. It soon becomes a retaliatory game. A no-win situation. We need to stand apart, view the situation from an outsider’s perspective, suspending judgment or knee jerk reactions. Then we have more choices. This has to be patiently cultivated.

But sometimes, we do need to rely on the heart. It is to sense the intuition that we need in many situations. Falling in love, for instance. After knowing the person, for a long time. if we keep on analyzing him/her, we will ends up being frustrated, not being able to make a choice.

One is tempted to say it is not a matter of the head or the heart. It is a matter of functioning as a whole person. A balanced person, centered within. This comes about through relaxation and an acquired faith in oneself, in one’s own goodness. Previous articles have covered how we came to disbelieve our goodness.

We will soon discuss how Yoga explains the inter play of emotions and intellect.

Wake up, before it's too late !

Read an appalling story about a mentally undeveloped girl being brutalised by 14 boys in Australia.Read it Here .The boys behaved as if the victim(the girl) was a thing, a toy for having some fun.Indicates serious problems.This resembles the content shown in the millions of porn sites worldwide. Women are subjected to humiliations and degradations in them. There are sites which show women humiliate men also.These types of sites have takers, as their proliferation indicates.These sites have incited many sex crimes, as has been testified in court by the offenders.

Punishing the criminals doesnot seem to stem the tide of such crimes.Banning these sites will cause some other media like dvd/cd to come up as a substitute.
Without understanding the cause we cannot treat the disease efffectively.There is one possible theory as to its origin.The roots of this problem lie far deeper than we can imagine. Many children have not received positive love and affirmation while growing up.How many boys and girls grow up in homes of love and harmony.

The truth is that many parents use their children as emotional punchbags.In some families the mothers may treat the boy child brutally, partly due to the mistreatment received at the hands of her husband, which leads to a hatred of males and which she vents on the boy child.This appears as merciless beatings, the nastiest verbal abuses...the victim realises he has been abused only when he feels the hatred for women inside himself, when he becomes an adult.

The same situation can happen to girl children. In fact they are more vulnerable.

If in later years, he/she realises that he has a problem, he may go in for professional treatment to heal the inner wounds. Awareness meditation also can really help.

If somebody enjoys the filthy trash of perversions being dished out in porn channels and porn stories, it indicates festering deep emotional wounds inside him/her.They are in need of urgent help.

This issue is discussed in detail by Mike Genung .