How to Come Out Smelling Like a Rose

You might have experienced it. Your day was going along wonderfully, until that colleague made a cutting remark. Or you were having a fine time with your spouse when he or she made an unjust statement. Cut to the quick, we seethe inside. Caught unawares, we are confused as to how to react.

Obviously, the person was really insensitive to say or think like that. Should we get even in the same way, hitting back? Should we distance ourselves from them?

These are difficult questions, especially when the concerned person is your spouse, child, sibling, intimate friend or your buddy in your project team. The situation is very delicate.

I won't make any comment now about how you deal with that person, mainly because there is somebody else who has to be handled before that. Who ? Me of course.

Yes, we need to regain our composure and mental serenity, first. Lets get back our balance and equipoise first. We cant do this by struggling with our hurt feelings and anger. It'll be like taming a wild elephant.

Instead, use your breath.

Your breath is your ever present friend-and sometimes, it is the only one.

Recently, a great spiritual teacher (Mata Amritanandamayi) said that the breath is divine. To watch the breath is to meditate on your innate divinity which is ever calm and blissful. Breath is the life-giver.

It is mighty, it can heal-anything. All that we need to do is to be aware of it-as it moves in and out of our body. Gradually, one can feel the vice like grip of negativity loosening and falling away, leaving us in peace and freedom. We have overcome another wave of turbulence!

Here, we are actually practicing being in the Here and Now. The NOW is where healing occurs. As Eckhart Tolle says: The NOW is the fresh smelling rose, the eternal present. It cant hold the unpleasant odors from the past. Nor the anxieties about the future.

So when you come here, you are free of unwholesome feelings. The breath is an excellent key to come here.

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The One Factor That Can Sustain Relationships

In one word, it is Introspection. Holding a mirror to yourself, to see your actions, words, and thoughts, as others see and experience them.

In relationships, people point to each other :"it is his/her fault ! She/he is responsible ! He doesn't do it right! She is always complaining !" In all likelihood, we will be having our own hideous sides that we cherish. We never think of casting a glance at how it may be affecting others. Even in this age of education, elders who  may be post graduate, still abuse their adolescent younger generation.

We are conditioned to look outside us for the cause and the solution. Of course, we can never be the problem. I find I have a strong tendency to blame the outside world for the way things are. It never occurs to me that I may be, in some way, contributing to the situation.

I complain about the banana peel lying on the road; but I never thought of cleaning it up myself. (Gandhi: Be the change you want to see)

People accuse their partners of behavioral problems, yet turn a blind eye to the secret sins that they themselves commit. It is impossible to accuse others when one is aware of his own shortcomings. There would be no time-one would be too busy working on himself.

So the next time you find yourself pointing your finger at your partner, look closely at your hand. See ? Your  three fingers are pointing back at you. There is something to be set right first, my friend.

Note: I am not implying that one should take all injustices lying down. Correcting others is more easier when you do it with consideration and love-just as you would like to be corrected. One needs to practice separating the action from the person. And if we find ourselves losing our emotional balance at others' faults, perhaps that is where we should start-being aware of our own feelings ! This works like pricking a balloon-it takes the sting out of your emotional turmoil. Keep at it and you can see the difference, slowly.

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Take Charge of Your Life...or We Will !

If you do not rule yourself, you are asking to be ruled, and you will be.
If you do not manage yourself, you will be managed.
If you do not discipline yourself, you will be disciplined.

If you do not manage your time, somebody else will do it.
If you do not set your own goals, somebody else will do it.
If you do not make your choices this moment, somebody else will.

If you do not think for yourself, somebody else will do it, and not in your best interests.

After all,
you alone can eat to sate your hunger, others cannot !
you alone can breath your breaths, every single one of them !
Then why not think for yourself ?
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Freedom in the jungle

Rule Yourself, Enjoy Freedom !

Do not rule yourself, get ruled.

Sad truth.

Perhaps you may not agree, but present day human world is very similar to a jungle. A jungle where power reigns supreme.

In the jungle, the greater your power, the more your chances of being free and staying alive.Rabbits, deer, peacocks and other harmless creatures become fodder.For whom ? For the tigers,hyenas,leopards and Lions.

On close examination of these animals we can find certain peculiarities.
Consider the lion and the rabbit. The lion is very moderate in its food and sex.It eats only when it is hungry.Usually, it hunts once in a week.Where as the rabbit can be found chewing all the time, in a hurry.

In sexual matters too, the lion is very self disciplined.It mates only during the season. The rabbit mates all the year round, when it feels the urge !

Could it be that this self control is the source of the lion's position of power in the jungle hierarchy ? Quite possible.
We have seen epicurean kings and emperors lead their kingdoms to ruin.

So self discipline is essential not only for spiritual success but also for material prosperity!

The Head or the heart?

We have a saying in Kerala: when the head is still there, the tail need not rule. The head is place highest on the human body. Every other organ – hands, heart, legs and genitals are below the head. Does this indicate a superiority of the head over the other organs?

Normally we have the higher authority seated at a higher level than his subordinates. If you follow any office seating hierarchy (take, a court for example).The judge is the supreme authority. He is seated at the highest level. The Indian parliament may be the only office where the ruling speaker is seated at a lower level. (Does this explain the unruly scenes that we have in parliaments?)

Apart from these considerations of higher placement, let us see what will happen if the other organs are allowed to indulge as they like, without giving due thought? Obviously, when a man has too many drinks, his intellect is warning him: do not drink. You have to drive. If he doesn’t listen and goes on drinking, he is exposed to a greater danger of a car crash. The reflexes will not be fast enough.

This applies to every other action. Our actions have to be guided by our intellect. This is particularly true so in interpersonal relations. We may have conflicts in our relations. If we react at the level of the heart, that is, just emotionally, we are likely to get caught up in a mess. It soon becomes a retaliatory game. A no-win situation. We need to stand apart, view the situation from an outsider’s perspective, suspending judgment or knee jerk reactions. Then we have more choices. This has to be patiently cultivated.

But sometimes, we do need to rely on the heart. It is to sense the intuition that we need in many situations. Falling in love, for instance. After knowing the person, for a long time. if we keep on analyzing him/her, we will ends up being frustrated, not being able to make a choice.

One is tempted to say it is not a matter of the head or the heart. It is a matter of functioning as a whole person. A balanced person, centered within. This comes about through relaxation and an acquired faith in oneself, in one’s own goodness. Previous articles have covered how we came to disbelieve our goodness.

We will soon discuss how Yoga explains the inter play of emotions and intellect.

Practical tips for Changing habit patterns-1

Whether we realize it or not, it is not lack of techniques or knowledge that prevents us from improving ourselves. It is basically our non-supportive mind that holds us back from surging ahead to greater and greater achievements. The achievements can be in any field: acquiring new skills (improving our present abilities-language/career/social/etc), learning a new skill/sport/hobby, starting a group activity, and making a billion, Enlightenment…it can be anything that you want to do.

Why our minds do not support us? Because we have not been encouraged or affirmed or loved enough till now. If an individual receives unconditional love and support in their childhood, there should not be any snag in their personality. But we have dissatisfied and discontented adults who cannot handle their emotions, wreaking their frustration on the hapless children they are entrusted with. The adults can be: parents, elder siblings and relatives, teachers, servants, etc.
The repeated admonitions and chidings and putdowns burn themselves into the psyche of the child, and become part of his own thinking process:

You are worthless.
You cannot do a thing right.
You are a good for nothing.
You Idiot! Stupid! Rascal! Bugger! Devil...
You will never amount to anything.
You are a failure.
(..Ad Nauseam…)
……………………….

After hearing this tape with all its vehemence from the plastic years of childhood onwards, the child will start thinking:

I am worthless
I cannot do anything right.
I am stupid.
I am a complete failure.
Listen to yourself as you go about your day. You will know what your mind is telling yourself. This is your own self-talk.

And what we tell ourselves, we will actualize, manifest in reality. For more information on the mechanism of self-talk, read “What to say when you talk to yourself” by Dr.Shad HelmStetter.

Laughing in Gaza

Is there something to laugh in the Gaza border ? Could you, when the missiles and bullets fly around you ?

Well,that's exactly what this young lady is up to. Judith Bar-hay Kovatch (see picture) holds laughter sessions for groups of people, enabling them to laugh their hearts out. For no reason whatsoever. They all agree that it releases their tensions and fears of existence, enabling to look at life as an opportunity, rather than as a burden.

If you haven't guessed already, this is Laughter yoga, founded by Dr.Madan Kataria from Mumbai. Obviously Dr.Kataria had to bear much ridicule before he could spread word about his Laughter Yoga around. Our logical minds seek a reason for anything: even laughter.

Well, it is this notion that Laughter Yoga dissolves-for good. In the frenetic rush of the modern day world, man forgets to stand back and enjoy life in a lighter vein. Laughter Yoga enables him to laugh himself/herself out of this deathly trap.

Laughter enables us to be here now, enjoying life; laughter gives energy and inspiration to heal negativities and inner wounds. It makes humans sane in an insane world. Relaxed people respond calmly and shun violence. It is a viable solution to reduce crimes like road rage.

For more information, check Here

Heal Yourself-Heal the World

Friends, those of us who read about the mishaps happening around us, did you feel anything more than pity for the victims? Did you want to change the state of affairs in society and the world at large? Many of us may have felt frustrated at our apparent inability to do anything to mitigate these problems.

You need not be despondent. You can do something. In fact, many things. But you can strike a winning note by doing just one thing: Meditate.

Yes, that is right. Studies conducted in the US have shown that the crime rate was significantly lower in those cities, which had regular meditation groups. This was with reference to those cities without any meditation groups. Such cities had higher crime rates. This was based on a study conducted on TM meditation groups.

Please note, I am not trying to promote any religion or school of meditation. The end of meditation remains the same, in whichever way you do it: Reduction of thoughts. This leads to peace within. And when there is peace within you, it spills over into your surroundings also. Your responses become more thoughtful, you have more space for yourself, your companions notice your peaceful countenance, an aura of peace surrounds you. You become relaxed. A relaxed and happy face makes others also relaxed.

Wake up, before it's too late !

Read an appalling story about a mentally undeveloped girl being brutalised by 14 boys in Australia.Read it Here .The boys behaved as if the victim(the girl) was a thing, a toy for having some fun.Indicates serious problems.This resembles the content shown in the millions of porn sites worldwide. Women are subjected to humiliations and degradations in them. There are sites which show women humiliate men also.These types of sites have takers, as their proliferation indicates.These sites have incited many sex crimes, as has been testified in court by the offenders.

Punishing the criminals doesnot seem to stem the tide of such crimes.Banning these sites will cause some other media like dvd/cd to come up as a substitute.
Without understanding the cause we cannot treat the disease efffectively.There is one possible theory as to its origin.The roots of this problem lie far deeper than we can imagine. Many children have not received positive love and affirmation while growing up.How many boys and girls grow up in homes of love and harmony.

The truth is that many parents use their children as emotional punchbags.In some families the mothers may treat the boy child brutally, partly due to the mistreatment received at the hands of her husband, which leads to a hatred of males and which she vents on the boy child.This appears as merciless beatings, the nastiest verbal abuses...the victim realises he has been abused only when he feels the hatred for women inside himself, when he becomes an adult.

The same situation can happen to girl children. In fact they are more vulnerable.

If in later years, he/she realises that he has a problem, he may go in for professional treatment to heal the inner wounds. Awareness meditation also can really help.

If somebody enjoys the filthy trash of perversions being dished out in porn channels and porn stories, it indicates festering deep emotional wounds inside him/her.They are in need of urgent help.

This issue is discussed in detail by Mike Genung .

Talking in the Right Way to Yourself

Hi All,

Ever felt desperate about the kind of self-development course or book that really delivers ? Most of us will have.

Well I too thought so until I read Dr.Shad Helmstetter's "What to say when you talk to yourself".

This book has the works.It feels a bit tedous as you mumble the self-talk given in the book, day in day out.It is grinding work, despairing sometimes, but I tell you, it is effective !

What he calls as self-talk is almost the same as affirmations.But he has explained it so covincingly that you immediately will want to try it out. Just keep at it, and you will be amazed at the results !

Another significant book on self talk is "Developing your Personal Power"

Waking up to a lovely dawn

We may have suffered countless indignities in the past. They may all be causing hurt inside us. The emotional wounds that we had suffered in our innocent childhood may have created ugly scars in our psyche that may be preventing us from embracing and enjoying life in its fullness now.

We may be ruminating over yesterdays' bad unpleasant events and carrying resentments into our heart, ruining our own day.

After spending countless money on therapists, counselors, Gurus, books and medicines, we still may be feeling we have not had any significant recovery or transformation.

But there is a way. And it is cheap; it does not cost a penny. You do not have to enroll in any online course, give your credit card details, or fill out countless questionnaires.

The secret is, here...

It is,

This, This, This, This... a zillion times This.

Enjoy your surfing.

The Pleasures of Self-Discipline

In Kerala there is a type of ayurvedic medicine called Kashayam. It is very bitter. People used to sweet and dainty dishes will have a hard time stomaching this medicine. It has even become a kind of proverb to say “it is bitter- like kashayam”.
Certain kashayams have the effect of purifying your blood.

Discipline and any action aimed at improving our living conditions seem to be like drinking the bitter kashaya. You would rather relish the sweetness of languor.
Say for instance, you want to build up a muscular body. You have to work out a program of regular exercise and stick to it, every day. Every day at the same hour, you do the set number of pushups, sit-ups, chin-ups, dumbbells, everything in your prescribed routine. And you take the special diet, protein enriched to add muscles to your frame.

In the first few days, your body will scream, “No!”, as you press it into this unfamiliar regimen. You do not give in. You press on.

Then you break though the layer of resistance and actually start to enjoy the work out session. And slowly, the reward starts manifesting …a muscular body.
It repeats at every attempt you take at improving yourself- be it your handwriting, learning to speak in public, overcoming the fear of rejection in socialization, learning to meditate….

After a few months or so, you start to reap in the rewards: a lean, muscular physique, a neat and tidy handwriting that immediately catches attention, a new found confidence to stand up and deliver your message to groups of people, an ability to enjoy the peace and joy of meditation…

The Bhagavad-Gita also says: “Those pleasures which are bitter like poison in the beginning but later are sweet like nectar are the best…” The Gita calls them Sattvic pleasures…the Pleasures of Discipline.

The role of thoughts in shaping our destiny

One cannot over stress the effect of internal dialogue (also called unconscious self talk, thoughts etc) while discussing success, in any field. The age old habit of the mind to hang on to something, the inability to let go and stand by itself, is the root cause of this internal dialogue. (I am talking about unconscious self talk- that which we are not aware that we are thinking)

Right now, take a break and listen to yourself: what is going on inside your mind now? What are the thoughts rushing through your brain? Are there any feelings? Boredom? Become aware. From time to time, take a break and be aware of what is going on inside you, NOW. This can also be the key to overcoming addictions.

If you are like most people, you will find the thoughts rage on within each of us, all the time. Millions of thoughts pass through our minds everyday.Most of the time they are like an undercurrent, like if you are trying to catch a running bus, your mind might say: Will I get it? No, I will not get it. There. It is gone. Damn! Missed again! And we feel bad about it and about ourselves. This is natural, because we will feel good about ourselves only if we tell ourselves good things.

One reason we have been thinking this way is because we have been taught to think like that from childhood. For those who believe in rebirths, it’s been done for ages. Our entertainment media constantly presents us with set routines for reacting to situations. Thus, to resolve a difference of opinion, a fight is the only solution. We are caught in this trap. Wars start because of this set reaction.
To escape the cycle of repeated routine reactions to situations, one has to practice awareness- awareness of everything: thoughts, breathe, sensations, feelings, movements.

Suggested reading: What to say when you talk to yourself
Developing your personal power