How to Overcome Fear of Failure

Have you a large number of ideas in the attic of your mind, but which you have never tried to implement? Have you the seeds of a novel in your mind, but are too anxious to try it out? Have you wanted to perform on stage, but are too apprehensive of how it will be received? These are examples of the fear of failure paralyzing potential creativity.

It has often been said that the average person uses hardly 10% of the potential of his or her brain. What prevents them from exploring the unused 90%? It is the fear of failure, also the fear of ridicule, of falling short of expectations. Isn't it a pity that so much of human talent goes to waste, just because of an irrational fear? If you overcome fear of failure, you can scale unimaginable heights in your career and your personal life.

How to know if I have a fear of failure?

Despite the facts above, the astonishing fact is that few people are even aware that they may be suffering from this fear in their psyche. This is an even more tragic situation: we don't even realize we have a hidden adversary, sabotaging our every attempt at self-actualization, of attaining our chosen goals. I'll tell you how I suffered below, but here is a quick method to find out if you have a fear of failure. If you find yourself tending to avoid certain tasks or situations, then it is likely that you are experiencing anxiety about the results of the situation. Anxiety is a visible form of latent fear.The fear itself could be rooted in traumatic experiences associated with similar situations in our past (childhood).

At school, I was a student with a good level of comprehension and curiosity and earned top grades till entering University. The fact was that I was egged on in studies by my parents. However, when I entered a professional engineering course, my grades plummeted. Eventhough I stood third (in that college) in the entrance exam for the course, at the end of the four-year course I was in the ignominious list of the non-performers, with a long backlog of failed subjects. It was a huge fall from grace for one who had scored cent percent in Mathematics during Pre-University.

Whenever I sat down to study or write a paper, I would become uncomfortable and get up. I would sit for hours staring at a page on Civil Engineering Structural Analysis, going over the sentences again and again, trying to grasp their meaning. This stemmed from the mistaken notion that one should always understand 100% of what one was reading. This is a recipe for failure because it is a perfectionist belief. The level of comprehension varies, depending on individuals, their mental and emotional states, health, and other factors. Most students gain an understanding of their subjects by repeated attempts. The first reading may yield apparently zero understanding, but it will improve with each repetition. When you are familiar with the basic concepts of a subject, this process will automatically speed up.

After ten minutes or so of attempting to comprehend a subject, I used to feel very uncomfortable. I had to  get up and dash off to watch a movie or binge on food. There was only one theater that showed English movies in the town nearby. I forgot my worries and phobias in the hot, stuffy hall, in the din of whizzing bullets and Jackie Chan's Kung fu stunts. It took many years for me to realise that I was experiencing deep anxiety, and was just running away from it.


The cause of  this anxiety dated back to my childhood days when I was forced to study at the threat of the rod. Added to it were the trauma of abuses and threats for studying, the tragedy of not being able to join my friends while they played, and the beatings on the exam eve. Sometimes my knuckles would have swollen to the size of cricket balls from beatings. All this stemmed from my mother's desire to make me into an engineer or a doctor. These were the only 'worthwhile' professions, in her point of view.

Fear of failure leads to stagnation
Granted, a major part of this fear of failure is contributed by factors beyond our control-child hood situations, circumstances at school and college, and ridicule from peers. Society seems hard wired to say 'No' to every new idea or concept. Ask thought leaders in a company and they will tell you of the tremendous resistance to change they face from the workforce, each time they try to bring in some innovation. Well, here it is fear of failure combined with the fear of change.

Sometimes, abundantly skilled artists and inventors fail miserably because they wouldn't, couldn't try out new ideas for fear of failure. Even when they had the confidence to try out new concepts, society adopted the most critical approach. Consider the case of Charles Franklin Kettering when he presented the electric self-starter for automobiles in 1911. This device made driving safer and much more convenient. But a prominent member of the American Institute of Electrical Engineers reacted in this way: This man has profaned every fundamental law of Electrical Engineering...

No wonder we are so apprehensive of trying out creative, unconventional concepts. This fear of failure, of change seems ingrained in human society.

Overcoming the fear

So how do we break free of its strangle hold and venture out into the unexplored frontiers of our true potential?

There are several approaches:

• Short-circuit the 'fear' response-control the Amygdala-the portion of the brain that triggers the flight response. Take things a ridiculously small bit at a time. Dr.Robert Maurer describes this process in his book  One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way One small step can change your life.  He has effectively used this to bring transformation in people apprehensive of change.
• Techniques for silencing the chattering critic inside the brain. This includes techniques like:
• Meditation
• Stream of consciousness writing: Benefits
• Relaxation exercises:  5 Ways to Keep Yourself Relaxed
• Inducing creativity enhancing Alpha brain waves by listening to appropriate music
• Positive self-talk by hammering positive statements about yourself into your mind, so that it finally overrides the negative self-talk.
• Writing daily affirmations that state an ideal image of you, with all positive qualities. You can also write affirmations stating an ideal outcome of a situation.

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Save Yourself from Online Frauds

"How to Publish Your Book and Get Rich Quick" Screamed this title (or a similar one) at me from a successful writer's webpage. I had checked out her page for some tips on writing, she has a writing experience of more than 20 years. It was there that I saw this ad and her own write up for this book.

The title was intriguing and tempting enough (but the phrase Get Rich Quick should have warned me). I clicked on the link to Amazon, almost decided to buy, being at a low point. However, once inside, I tried to have an inside sample view of the book. There was none. The price was $18.95. There were three reviews, two of which were scathing and blasted the book, accusing the author of poor language, and unrefined content. One review was highly praising of the book, but my suspicions had already been roused.

Getting into Google land, I did a search on the author and found there were hardly any reviews on his books on the net. The book was available on Google books, and there also no sample view was available.

Further research revealed that the author had published only five books so far! This was tragic, considering that he had an arsenal of tricks to make money quick. Aha, Tricks- there was it again-the book offered tricks to skyrocket you to publishing success. That sealed it. There was no need for any tricks.

But the larger question here is, is it OK for authors of repute to promote such products?
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Dealing with Non-stop Talkers

Have you ever been caught up in a dialogue which in effect turned out to be a monologue? In your eagerness to practice the techniques of empathetic listening, you realize you have just walked into a non-stop one-way conversation bog. Did you feel like fleeing as the monologue flits across various topics of no consequence to you? Worse, the speaker asks you for an opinion, and before you get to express it, resumes the tirade.

This is especially trying when you are hard pressed for time, with a long list of things to do. Searching long for the answer, I found different people handled this in different ways. See the list below. some of the methods can appear rude and you have to consider your relationship with the person before applying them.
For instance, if it is somebody who is close to you like immediate family or your spouse, you need to be very careful and considerate. If it is your boss or colleague, again you have to exercise caution.

Non-stop talkers usually chatter off without considering the effect they are making on the listeners. You might be squirming to escape, but he/she fails to notice your discomfort.

An intelligent conversation is irrelevant here because the non-stop talker does not wait for your response, but is on a never ending monologue.

So here are the methods of escape:

1. Get yourself relaxed. Counting your breaths is a simple way to do this. When you are relaxed, calmly look the chattering talker in the eye, in the spot between the eyes. Do not show any expression and do not force it into a staring contest. If you can maintain your steady gaze for some time, the person will slow down, and eventually stop. Be careful that he/she doesn't take it for aggression or romance. Break your gaze when you feel uncomfortable. Also, the person is likely to get unsettled after a few minutes of silent gazing. Then smile sincerely, excuse yourself and exit the scene (Before he starts on the next barrage, encouraged by your smile). You might need to practice gazing expressionless using a mirror.
2. Mentally offer an affirmation of good will towards them: "I respect you. You need to be listened to, but first you need to listen to yourself"
3. Listen for sometime, then excuse yourself saying you have some work to do.
4. If the person is in deep mental agony or has a problem, of course you need to give your ears. Just take care it does not become a pattern. Everybody has to solve their own problems.
5. Do not tell them about their talking problem unless you are confident of dealing with unexpected reactions.
6. You cannot try the gazing technique on everybody. If the person concerned is your boss, you'd better keep your distance discretely.

The reason people talk non-stop is a chronic need for attention and validation.
Minty Mcnair gives some valuable tips on this issue here:Keys for Relating to Non-Stop Talkers.

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Model Toddlers to Improve Your Learning Skills

If you have ever watched a child learning to walk, you have observed the principles of success in learning any new skill, for an entire lifetime. You probably do not need any more fancy training in learning skills. However, alas, we acquire a lot of unwanted training that hinders our successful learning.

The broad stages that a toddler learning to walk goes through are the following:

• The child who had remained lying until now, observes elders standing, and instinctively, tries to imitate.

• It first learns to stand up, by holding onto a wall or some other support.

• After having learnt how to stand, it tries to imitate elders walking.

• Takes a step, falls down.

• Picks herself up, and attempts again.

• The mid step, where she has to shift weight from one leg to the other-this is the tricky part. She does not know if she will fall down. She falls many times in the mid-step. Nevertheless, everybody tells her she can do it. Nobody ever discouraged a child learning to walk.

• After falling down many times, she understands that if she transfers the weight to the other leg fast enough, she will not fall. When she has this confidence, she has learnt to walk. Now all that remains is practice, practice,...to improve the learnt skill.

Why learning becomes boring and hard later on

Later, while learning other skills like Math, Vocabulary, Drawing etc., the child goes through the same process-trying, failing, trying,...However this time, there are people with her who want her to learn as fast as possible, to save their time. They do not have the patience to let her learn through failing and having fun in trying. When the child fails a number of times, the elder may start saying comments like: Looks like you are having problems with this. This seems to be hard for you, why don’t you try harder?

Worse comments: You stupid! Can’t you do something as simple as this? What’s in your head? Is it made of clay? 

Finally: You'll never make it! Idiot!

Unfortunately, parents and teachers have also their ego to defend, so they need to prove that their verdict was correct-the child cannot learn well!

The blow has been struck. It stays with us throughout life, making a terror out of learning. This bad training gives us the queasy, unpleasant feeling and the anxiety when things go wrong while we attempt something new.

Then we start our own self-talk, which reinforces the old negative talk given by others: I seem to get nothing right! I am messing things up again! Oh what an idiot I am! 

This ensures failure.

How learning any new activity can be fun

Suppose the child in the above example had nobody telling him negative comments while learning and failing. He would make many attempts while learning Mathematics and other subjects fail many times in his attempts, but eventually he would get it right.

Because you have been given negative feedback countless times, and because you have started telling yourself the same negative things about you, the only way to reach success is to learn and say positive things about you:

I am a good learner! I can do it if I keep trying!

Learning is fun!

Failing is good, it helps me learn better.

I can fail as many times as I need, each time I learn something new!

The toddler who is learning to walk is the best possible inspiration for learners and students of all ages, the world over.

How many times, and how long do I have to repeat positive self-talk?

As long as you stop saying the negative things about yourself. I have chosen to continue indefinitely, for negative programming is not easy to remove permanently.

However, it is easy to find out when it has become effective: when you habitually start saying positive self-talk, your performance improves in every aspect of your life: not just learning or studying but in social life, relationships, finance, all spheres. For this, you need to learn and repeat self-talk which covers all areas: Self-esteem, Being organized, Taking responsibility, etc.

What to say when you talk to yourself  is a primary text in the science of self-talk. Dr.Shad Helmstetter is the author of this book which has sold millions of copies in more than 64 countries. It is available on Amazon. Once I bought this book, I got the gist of the self-improvement system and how to sustain it: it all depends on my thoughts.

  


You might want to check out this post also: Having fun in learning skills

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A Relationship Survival Tip

After the initial starry-eyed period of relationships are over, couples come to face their own weaknesses- and their partners'. Arguments turn into accusations of how everything was alright until the 'other' came along. It is always the 'other' who messes things up. Rarely do people own up their own errors and weaknesses that ruin relationships.

We forget that while pointing a finger at the other, three of our remaining fingers are pointing back at us.

We are irritated with our partners/spouses for sloppiness, for leaving the dishes in the sink overnight, for parking the car the wrong way-once one starts making a list, it starts to grow and grow. All the good things the person said or did, fade into oblivion. Finally we conclude: this is not the right person for me. Have I thought whether I have tried to be the right person? It rarely occurs to me, if ever.

The following thought may help save sinking relationships: Whenever we are tempted to accuse (even in the mind) our partner of a fault or a behavior problem, we could take a moment and ask ourselves: Have I ever committed or am committing similar mistakes or any other serious mistake?


Most certainly, one would come up with quite a large list. If it is difficult, we only need to ask those with  whom we interact closely.

Absence of faults makes us candidates for sainthood or perfect beings. A great yogi said: Those who are too good for this world are adorning some other (Sri Yukteswar, quoted by Paramahamsa Yogananda in Autobiography of a Yogi).
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Using Affirmations to Overcome Life's Frustrations

Oftentimes, when we go through our lives, maintaining our goals, dreams, and ambitions, we may be writing affirmations and visualizing for their manifestation. But we run into roadblocks along the way, which can sap our inspiration and energy. For example, we may have an argument with the spouse over the way something should be done, or your subordinate at the office may make a costly mistake, or our car may throw up some problem. These can act like a wrench thrown into a smoothly running gear system, messing things up. If we get caught up in it and react emotionally, problems are compounded, throwing us off course.

For me, the Indian public Internet service MTNL has often been a test of patience. It goes kaput right in the middle of transactions, or while booking train tickets. Watching videos meant having to refresh pages each time the service stalled. Despite this, the bills would never reduce in amount. I eventually had to get a private service for urgent needs.

How you handle such frustrations in daily life can really influence your mood and sometimes, the outcomes as well. Yes, its mysterious, but being positive in frustrations seems to magically turn things around in the right direction you desire. Even now, just as I was writing this, MTNL repeated its game: the Internet line went dead. 

I felt the frustration and the anger start rising in me, with all the negative arguments- about being cheated etc.

Suddenly, I held myself in check: "Hey, why not try something new ?"
"Try what?", my mind countered.
"Why not try affirmations stating my expectations ?"
"OK. Go ahead and try. Lets see what happens."

Here my expectation was to have an uninterrupted broadband service, 24 hours of the day. So I said to myself:


I'm having an excellent, continuous broadband connection. Uninterrupted seemed a negative word.


I repeated it a few times. Actually I was only hoping to find another economical, wire-line service provider. Because, wireless broadband is pathetic here. But the next instant, the modem sprang to life, blinking away steadily, which meant I could depend on the connection. It is still running now.

I'm thinking of using this in other areas of my life-in arguments, negotiations, interviews, whatever. To get fair and  reasonable value for my time, money, and other investments. I deserve it, don't I ?

Have you tried using affirmations (or similar techniques) to get positive outcomes in your life? I'd love to hear of them.
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Amazing Levitation Video

The following video shows an African shaman performing levitation. A German crew captured the scene. The video appeared on Youtube and some other sites spiritube. Some people have questioned its authenticity.
I think it is genuine for these reasons. Assuming the shaman to be 5-6 feet tall, the fire circle is at least double his height  in diameter that is, 12 feet. Also, when the second cameraman appears in the video, another five feet distance is revealed, outside the fire circle. Even if a pulley was used to pull him up(as some critics may say), it would need to be used on a rope overhead stretching at least 18 feet in length (sum of the above two lengths). Judging from the fact that this place does not have even lighting, it is hard to believe they could have found and used a pulley.
Second, if they did do so, why did they lift him up just by about 3 feet ? Why not lift higher, say to 6 feet? That would have been more spectacular.
Third, his body slants to the sides, it does not hang as it would have, if suspended.
Fourth, there are natives singing. Listen to the background. They would have seen.
These are some of the reasons I believe it could be original.

What do you think? Can it be authentic?



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Unreal...? No Real...Game of Death

Can a human being conduct 230-250 volts of electricity through his body? Science says its impossible and anyone attempting to do so will be electrocuted. But here is a man who not only conducts electricity through his body, but lights bulbs, runs blenders, and cooks food in hotplates, using his body as a live wire. Watch and believe!
Courtesy: History channel. Warning : Any attempt to imitate this will cause death.

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Too Many, Too Good?

Psychologist Barry Schwartz offers startling insights into the maze that we have trapped ourselves into by having too many choices.



Dry humor in a metro
This video reminds me of something that happened in a modern metro. An old man from a remote village was visiting his grandson in the city. One day, while he was alone at his grandson's apartment, he got bored and decided to take a walk. He wandered around the blocks, marveling at the order and the cleanliness, at the zappy cars, the stately buildings,...Finally he got tired and wanted a cup of tea, as was his wont, back in his native village.

He went to a restaurant and sat down at a vacant table. The waitress in immaculate attire approached him with pencil and pad to take the order. The following conversation is purported to have taken place:

"Good evening Sir, what will you have?"

"Good evening. I'd like to have a cup of tea, please".

"Of course sir. We have a variety of teas: peppermint, earl grey, cardamom, ginger, lime, jasmine, and green tea. Which one would you like?"

The old man was confused. The chai wallah at his village sold just a few varieties: with sugar or without, with milk or without. Now how would he know what each of these varieties meant?

"Please, I just would like some old fashioned tea with milk and sugar."

"With pleasure, sir. Now as regards milk what type of milk would you prefer for your tea: we have Natural whole milk,Whole standardised milk,Whole homogenised milk, Semi skimmed milk, and skimmed milk. If you want I can tell you the fat % in each. I'm sure you will want a particular flavor of tea. We have a wide range. To start with: mango green, lychee green tea, strawberry green tea, coconut cream, green apple, passion fruit, mango, lemon, watermelon,..."

Now he was in a dire quandary: What does each of these mean? Could he ask for sample? Or could he ask the waitress about how they tasted? He thought enough was enough, not to push his luck too far.

"I think I will settle for just a glass of water, for now. I'm sure I can try your teas later."

"We have several choices with regard to the drinking water we provide to our esteemed customers, our primary aim being your complete satisfaction: Spring Water, purified water, sparkling bottled water, mineral water, artesian water, or well water. What would you prefer to have, Sir?"

At that moment, her cell phone rang, and she excused herself to take the call.

The old man made his escape precisely at that moment.
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Instant Manifestation

Most netizens will be aware of Scott Adams' method of writing affirmations daily for manifesting their cherished desires. After The Secret, people have become more aware of their own innate power to create the life of their dreams.

However, having started on the path of manifesting your desires, have you felt that you were not getting to your dream desires fast enough? Or do you feel progress has slowed to a stand still? Considering the following points will rekindle your faith and give an added impetus.

Napolean Hill said it all in the title of his book:Think and Grow Rich. Earlier thinkers have said: Thoughts create our destiny. You are your thoughts..Thoughts are things. You are creating your future now with your thoughts.

If we really felt the impact of the truths in the above statements, we would realise the immense power that is passing through our hands each moment---Thoughts. We wouldn't waste a single thought away from our cherished goals.

We would be like the thief when he became aware of the treasure in the next room, he was always thinking about how  to get at it.


Science estimates that approximately 50,000-70,000 thoughts pass through the average human being every day. Hardly 5% of those thoughts are directed towards specific goals (for most people). Now what if you were able to direct more and more of those thoughts towards your goal? What if you direct ALL of your thoughts towards your  goal? I believe instant manifestation would be the result.

However, redirection of thought energy subjects the human psycho-physical system to a huge strain. Obviously, a gradual approach is preferable.
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Improve Quality of Life Experiences With Focus

You can see below a series of pictures of the same place, at the same time. Now, do you notice a progressive change in the quality of the pictures ? Which one looks appealing to you ?

The broad scene-not very attractive, isn't it? Even drab..But wait, see below...

Any better?

Hmmm...

This is a close up of the same flowers in the center of the first photo.

If you found the last photo much more attractive than the preceding ones, it is not surprising: focus improves the quality of our experiences.

Whether it is having a seven course meal, or a cup of tea, or even just a sip of water-most of us rush through our daily activities hardly noticing the moment. We are caught up in the ever rushing torrent of thoughts. Do we really breathe the freshness of the morning air, 'see' the beauty of a flower, experience the taste of a treat, ...?

Most people lose the magic of the moment. To experience it all you've to do is focus-just pay attention. You can experience ethereal beauty in common experiences just by narrowing your attention.

A word of caution: Be careful on what you focus. Focusing on experiences and thoughts which create unpleasantness is counterproductive. Lets focus on positive emotions and experiences, for they hold healing energy.

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Beyond Logic

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali foretell of many powers coming to advanced practitioners of meditation; knowledge of the future is one of them. The following video was recorded in 1987-1989 by a Russian television channel. It is about a reputedly 250- year old saint, Devraha Baba.


The reporter asks him about the future of the then Soviet Union.


Devraha Baba answers:
"Litva has distorted the Baltics and the 3 Republics would separate, other Republics would follow up. You are going through a difficult period of suffering but at the end everything will be ok as you will be purged..."


If you check out the history of dissolution of the Soviet Union, you can see that the Baltic states of Latvia and Lithuania were among the first to separate. Perhaps the Baba meant them both with the term "Litva".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissolution_of_the_Soviet_Union 


Here's the footage from Youtube:

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Being Honest, Being Happy!

Murugan and Peter at Peter's magazine shop in Ernakulam

When was the last time you heard of somebody trying to live up to the eternal principles, the basic values endorsed by all religions?  An incident that happened last week in Ernakulam, Kerala gives us heart, though some may doubt the sanity of the protagonist-in this world of instant gratification.

In the photo above, the man on the left, Murugan, has ample reason to wear that happy grin-he has won the state bumper lottery of 40,00,000 INR (80,000 USD) and a top-end Toyota Innova, in a draw this February. He is a labourer who works on daily wages-to be precise, he was.

But the smile of the man on the right, Peter, comes from something else-an act of honesty. He just gave up the prize of the lottery to its rightful owner-Murugan.Truth, Honesty, Kindness, love, Sharing,...The people who keep these values alive are probably sustaining the human civilization, being examples for others to follow, to hitch their faith to.

Murugan had a daily routine of buying a lottery ticket from Peter's shop. It cost him Rs.20. This went on for probably years. That day in this February, he did not have the money to pay for the ticket. So he asked Peter to keep aside a ticket for him-he would pay latter. Peter obliged for his regular customer.

When the prize results came out, Peter found Murugan's ticket had won the first prize. But Mutugan had not yet paid and not taken the ticket also. So he was not aware he had won-he did not know the winning ticket number.

Peter showed his real worth here-it was much more than those wads of money. He immediately called up Murugan and handed over the ticket, informing him of his win.

The rest of the story has been phenomenal-Peter is now celebrated by the whole city. The State Government has congratulated him and is showing appreciation by suitably rewarding him. His phone has not stopped ringing-receiving congratulations from even far off Gulf and Europe.

Here are just a few of the web clippings on Peter:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WorldIsmailis/message/24129
http://www.daijiworld.com/news/news_disp.asp?n_id=130574

We thank you, Peter!
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A Natural Obligation Towards Cleanliness

I had just left the shop with my purchased goods and was on the road. Ahead of me, two teenage boys opened their chocolate bars they had just purchased. Popping the toffees into their mouths, they nonchalantly dropped the toffee wrappers where they belonged--on the road. There was not even a consideration if there were any dustbins around. Not that there were.


This is India. I doubt such behavior would be acceptable in any developed country. Singapore is said to impose a fine on anybody who litters or spits on the road-about $25 for the first offence. If that fine was instituted in India, it would be a major source of revenue to the government. We Indians feel obliged to present the bleakest, dirtiest picture of ourselves to the visitors from the outside world.


Jokes apart, we act as if we do not have an obligation towards cleanliness. I understand the citizens of the developed world may be sincere about keeping their surroundings clean, but I'm not sure if they show the same commitment towards a clean environment. If they had, they would have insisted on green vehicles, green energy, green construction-green everything. The research in solar power is limping along, mainly because there  is no serious demand in the market. The main obstacle they say, is the economy and fuel efficiency aspect. If it were possible to reduce the size of computers from one occupying an entire floor of 167.3 sq m (1800 sq. ft.) area (the ENIAC) and it could be scaled down to a laptop that you can hold in your lap, if you can successfully send men to the Moon and bring them back safely, why is it not possible to improve the efficiency of solar converters?


The human race has not realised its obligation to the environment, to nature. We do not realise that we are receiving from nature all the time-food, air, water, living space, and other basic resources.


And we want it clean-nobody wants food or water that is unclean. But it doesn't matter that we leave a clean environment, in return.


This is a paradox of human nature, of counting only our rights and not our obligations. I have to say our materialistic philosophy based exclusively on profit making is the culprit here.


We do not try to think of what consequences there can be. Man is a part of nature, if he destroys her, he destroys himself. Its like sawing off the tree branch on which one is sitting.


It is time for us to wake up to this reality that we cannot exist separate from nature, that nature is our own source and destination--one whom we can rightfully call our Mother.
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When Someone Enters Samadhi...

Googling for this heading, I found this site:


http://www.spiritualnow.com/articles/2069/1/My-First-Satori---Temporary-Experience-of-Enlightenment/Page1.html



"......... that stress that I recognized as myself was gone."


Isn't that beautiful? This man seems to know what he is talking about.
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Would You Like Some Happiness?

If you answered YES to this question, I hope you also know where to find it, for I only wanted to tell you that I cannot give you happiness. Not just me, nobody else can do that, for that matter. Not your spouse, your children, your pup,..parents..no.

Sorry, but this came out of the following paragraph from Michele Weiner Davis's ground breaking book "Divorce Busting":
People are shocked to discover that their difficulties continue to hound them in spite of their single status or their choice of a new partner. Some disillusioned divorced people tell me, "My spouse's habits really irritated me, but now I cant cope with this loneliness. The silence in the evenings is killing me.." Or " the new guy I married seemed so sensitive and open, the qualities I missed in my first marriage, but  as I've gotten to know him better he now seems more like a clone of my first husband." Or "I thought leaving my wife and all of her demands would make me happy, but oddly enough I am still unhappy."

Reminds you of something? Perhaps we too often forget to look in that oft neglected secret place: Within ourselves.

For more information about her book, see: Divorce :A Solution?
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More Stories from the Other Side---Hope

 Mellen-Thomas Benedict, an artist in the U.S, was in a state of physical death for over an hour and a half. After his apparent physical death, he had extraordinary out of the body experiences that challenged established norms of knowledge and thinking. After returning to life, he was able to make scientific discoveries based on his NDE (Near Death Experience). Mr. Benedict is involved in research into the mechanics of cellular communication and is the holder of  six U.S. patents.

Excerpts from his account:
....From what I have seen, I would be happy to be an atom in this universe. An atom. So to be the human part of God ... this is the most fantastic blessing. It is a blessing beyond our wildest estimation....
.....It was not a near-death experience. I experienced death itself for an hour and a half........
This sentence is of particular interest:
.......My memory of the journey came back later. I could see nothing wrong with any human being I had ever seen. Before that I was really judgmental. I thought a lot of people were really screwed up, in fact I thought that everybody was screwed up but me.....
http://www.near-death.com/experiences/reincarnation04.html

You can also read the article in the following link. It is one of the best known documented cases of out of body existence (NDE). It happened at the Harbor view hospital, Seattle: http://nowwithouthesitation.blogspot.in/2012/04/near-death-experiences-and-rationalism.html
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A Near Death Experience- Documented

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Why We Don't Experience God

If God or Truth is present everywhere, including us, why do we not see or experience this Truth? As it is within us, we only need to look within and we should see. The signs of a person who is experiencing God are: happiness in spite of any kind of outer circumstances, and not needing a crutch for happiness.

There are two main reasons:

• Our attention is always turned outward. We hardly ever look within.
• Our minds are constantly vibrating so that even when we look, our vision is blurred. Imagine a pool of muddy water in constant motion. To see through the water, first we need to allow the mud to settle down, by letting the water stand still for some time. Secondly, we should not keep disturbing the water.

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Steve Jobs' Words of Inspiration

Of the 300 million Apple ipods sold (as on October 2011), I happen to use one. This had been my only connection with Steve Jobs so far. A video on Youtube changed my perception of Jobs.

Apart from being the game changer in the electronic entertainment industry, Steve Jobs also had a deep, uncanny philosophical outlook on life that combined ancient truths with personal observations and experiences. Experiences that were far from what one would expect for a top achiever like him.

Many of us may be unaware that his early life was full of hardships and uncertainties. Startlingly, here was a man who was given away by his biological mother to a childless couple, a man who had to drop out of college because he didn't want to study on his parents' hard earned money--but look at what he became, what he achieved. Stupendous!

Here's Steve Jobs' Stanford 2005 commencement address:

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The Motivation to Change

Pain is the motivator that forces instant change.

At some point in our lives, we might have endured immense pain-physical or psychological-which left us desperately seeking a remedy: Oh God, I'd do anything to get rid of this, to be out of this terrible experience.

What about those who commit major offences?

Students who get caught cheating in exams, cheating partners, corrupt officials and ministers who get caught, all have their fall from grace, their moments of ignominy. Recently, three ministers in the state of Karnataka (India) were caught on camera viewing porn in the state legislative assembly. They were forced to resign, and their political career and stature would be difficult to redeem.

We read of many officials and ministers around the world getting retribution for their shameful acts. Some of them pay with their lives-like Gaddafi. Others are subjected to disgrace-public inquiries, trials, impeachments, which are worse than death. Lets not make a list of those people here.

If even after such painful experiences, such people do not reform, greater and greater tragedies await them.

Mata Amritanandamayi, modern day renowned mystic and spiritual teacher, relates this story to stress the importance of commitment to duties-worldly and spiritual:

"A corrupt businessman was not willing to pay taxes. According the law of his land, the punishment for not paying taxes was either to drink 10 glasses of salt water or to receive 30 whip lashes. "I'll take the punishment," he said, thinking he could easily drink salt water.

The day of punishment arrived. The officials took him to the public square and put the glasses of salt water before him. He took a sip, and reeled back, nauseated. He was used to dainty dishes and wines, and the taste of the intensely salty water was too much to stomach. "OK, I'll take the whiplashes", he said, still not wanting to part with his money.

As the first blow landed on his back, he cried out, wincing in pain." Oh, I'm going to die", he thought. Never having had done any sort of physical work, his body was like butter.

When the guard raised the whip again, he fell on his knees and begged,"Enough, enough, pleeease! Let me go, I'll pay all my taxes with interest".

He not only drank salt water, but also had to endure blows, and in the end, paid the taxes as well.

If man does not evolve, nature will force him to evolve, even at the point of the bayonet, said Swami Vivekananda, a saint and social reformer of the early 20th century.

So whenever a small inner voice from inside whispers to us: "Don't do that......do this...it is the right thing to do", we better heed it.

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Lessons From an Animal

We humans are impatient with everything. We want instant solutions to everything- jobs, money, career skills, marriage, health…When something goes wrong, or doesn't work out well, we are frustrated, have a bout of depression, trauma, and what not.

Recently, I learnt a lesson in patience from a neighbor. It was an animal, a female dog. Every year, she gets pregnant and gives birth. The births occur during the winter, and sadly, few pups survive the intense Delhi cold which dips down to 3 degrees Celsius.

Last year, I had seen her with a fresh litter, cuddled under the staircase of a building. People did provide blankets and food, but only one survived. It was too sad to see the tiny pups lying dead, the lone survivor moving over their bodies. The mother was unusually silent, weeping out her sorrow in a corner. She didn't usually allow anyone to pass that way, but that day, she didn't even lift up her head. Perhaps she was angry with us humans for not providing a shelter, for not protecting her pups from the chilling winds.

This year, to atone for that, we did not drive her out when she came for shelter inside our compound. We let her have a portion of the portico, and there were blinds to keep out the wind. Tonight I heard sounds of licking tongues, and moments later low pitched squeals. She was in labor! We watched as she patiently tugged the pups out of her abdomen, one by one. It went on for hours.

She had every reason to give up when her pups died last year, but the instinct of life innate in her made her go on. We humans could take a cue from this when faced with setbacks: Keep on keeping on, there's light at the end of the tunnel.
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For a Change..Laugh, Seriously!

Oh my God! Laughing Buddhas!

Inspired? Why not try it out ? See this video below:



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Self-belief For Better Personal Relations

He didn't look at me, she did not greet me, these people don't smile...these are pet peeves of people at social gatherings:  How often have you gone to social functions and felt that people don't show warmth or consideration? This is more true in big cities. If you are a teacher or a public speaker, you must've felt exasperated sometimes by the expressions of people in the audience-blank stares, angry glares,...never acknowledging your best efforts.

I believe it is possible to have a nice time even if you go to a place where you know no one. You need to be happy with yourself. Somebody said: You've to be comfortable with yourself if you're to be comfortable with others. You've to like that person whom you see in the mirror. Only if you accept yourself unconditionally, as you are now, will you get that self love-not regarding your past, your failures, your errors and omissions-not withstanding. It doesn't matter at all who you are or what you have achieved.

All that matters is -to ACCEPT YOURSELF AS YOU ARE NOW. You'll feel instant relief, a lightening of the heart, a relaxed, lighter state of being. You have acknowledged your divinity, you're at peace with yourself.

You might need to work on this, contemplate this fact, meditate on this-and be convinced. Then it will form the solid bedrock of self-belief on which you can have fun developing your skills in whatever way you want.

ACCEPT THIS: No matter what I have been in the past, no matter what I have done, I AM GOOD. I ACCEPT MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY. I APPROVE OF MYSELF. I LOVE MYSELF.

There is no limit to reinforcing this belief-one may do it all the time till it becomes second nature. You'll feel gradual transformation, you'll forgive yourself when you make mistakes.You'll be more open to others, to observe evolving life situations from a neutral vantage point and respond in a balanced way. You wont get caught up and give off knee-jerk reactions which complicate matters. You will learn to free yourself from the grip of circumstances.

And when you have that freedom, you'll be able to view others' shortcomings with compassion. Instead of attacking them and deepening their wounds, you'll be able to let go of your hurts, and accommodate others.

Everybody is the result of their circumstances, and people are doing the best they can.
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The Vanishing Muse

By muse I mean the rare thought train that inspires you to write. Lately I'd been gifted with many ideas to write but I kept postponing putting them down. I thought I had so many ideas I needed only to choose one of them-and write. Surprisingly, when I sat down to write, I was left with a blank mind. No topic to write about. Nada.

Perhaps the muse had deserted me for the lack of attention I showed, it must have affronted her.
However, Joel Saltzman came to the rescue. I had been reading his If you can talk, you can write! and it inspired me pretty well. In fact, I had not wanted to reveal any information about this book: it is a treasure. Losing the advantage by making it public didn't seem a good idea. But now I realize whatever you share comes back to you multiplied many times over, so just out of selfishness, here it is:

If you are a professional writer or intend to make a living out of writing, you can't afford to miss this book. Written in a disarmingly frank style, this book has tons of inspiration for the disheartened writer. Those who find it too audacious to attempt creative writing will also find it impossible to not write after reading it.

Have a look at some of my favorites from Saltzman's book:
If you gave a typewriter to a chimpanzee and let him type long enough, in time, he'd produce the complete works of Shakespeare (the intention of course, is to emphasize the point that skill in a task develops naturally when we repeat it long enough).

Another one on the same theme, (its a Hollywood legend):
If you want to be a famous writer, keep at it for ten years. By that time everyone else will have quit and they'll have to hire you.
Grab your copy!:
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Addictions : Why and How

People who don't take charge of their own lives, expose themselves to various risks: a major risk is posed by addictions. I came across the following videos on two of the main addictions: porn and drugs. It is not pretty, sad actually -but that makes it all the more a reason for including here: it is what some people go through:





Source: PornographyAddiction.com

Also see this tragic video about Heroine addiction from National Geographic.
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Little Hands Can Make a Difference

The song is in Hindi, but the message seems universal: Be the change you want see.


How often have you wished we would all join hands to tackle the world's problems instead of fighting one another?__________________________________________________________________________________
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Is Majority All That Matters ?

We have all heard it, though no one dares to write about it in public. It's our secret desire to convert everybody else to our own lifestyle, thought, philosophy, and religion. Everybody wants to be the majority. It probably arises from the fear of being overwhelmed as a minority. Propaganda goes on at all levels- religion, politics, philosophies, sexual orientation, lifestyles,...We are constantly subjected to evangelism, and do it on our own. Everybody is trying to win others over to their own way.

The minority tries persuasive methods, and the majority uses forcible coercion- to convert others. Now we see less of open force in the more civilized societies, because the world immediately gets to know of any excesses. Perhaps, the media is also being suppressed-we never get to know some news.

Lets look at the futility of attempts at religious conversion using some historical examples, and what might really work, using a story at the end.

Religious fanatics have long believed that if all of the population were converted to their own religion, all problems would vanish. The 'enemy'-the people of the other religion must disappear-either by conversion or by elimination. Lets conveniently forget that this contradicts the very foundation of all major religions-GOD or the SUPREME POWER is everywhere, and therefore, in the 'people of other religions' also.

The most recent examples of religious states (theocracies) that failed are Nepal (Hindu), Pakistan (Muslim), and Libya(Muslim). One can say the Colonial Empires (British, Spanish, Portuguese,...)  also failed because they could not adhere to the principles of their guiding religion (Christianity)-their colonies would not have struggled for independence if all were well. One can go back through history to revisit the gory details!

If one religion was sufficient for the entire mankind, there would not have developed numerous sects within that religion (take any religion). Differences of opinion arose among followers because each individual is inherently different.

The "gaining majority" solution is doomed to fail, sooner or later, wherever it is tried-whether religion or politics. Eventually, differences arise due to ego or selfish interests of the leaders and the followers. All 'isms' are thrown to the wind then.

Religion does not guarantee the experience of the Truth that it professes. One needs spiritual practice for that. And that starts when we start seeing the essential unity of human beings. It is not possible for love and hate to dwell in the same heart together. Only one can survive.

The solution?
Perhaps the following story indicates a way out: It's the lament of an old man on his death bed:
In my youth, I tried to change the world. By middle age, I realized it was futile, and started trying to correct my family instead. I couldn't change my family either-they only resented it. Now I don't have much time left- Oh how I wish I'd tried to change myself all this time!
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Communication Challenge: How to Empower Children Against Abuse

One of the challenges of professional communicators like instructional designers and technical writers is, adapting their message to the level of the audience, the readers. It is even more daunting when the message is sensitive and complex and the audience consists of little children. Borderlines are blurred and still we need to get the message across clearly.

I found the following instructional ad addressed this challenge in an innovative way. It uses the method of "minimum words", with simple, yet powerful pictures.

Source :http://www.childsexualabuseinindia.blogspot.com/2011/11/secrets-about-touching-need-to-be-told.html
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God And Negative Thoughts

However great the successes people achieve, there are times when they are mired down in negative thoughts. It can be because of domestic issues or personal relationships. It can be very trivial issues that hit a raw spot at a vulnerable moment.

What about the ones who are not successful ? They wallow in negativity- day in and day out-blaming parents, neighbors, colleagues, their children, the Government, and of course, God.

I have had my own share of this negative patch, which was very intense in the beginning. Now, I am getting better, thanks to repetitive positive self-talks, fairly regular Meditation, Yoga, and keeping myself busy.

In the nadir of our negative patch, we are at war with the world, with God, and with ourselves. The train of negative thoughts increases in speed. We may seek some relief by external diversions-cinema, food, alcohol, sex, drugs. When it goes too far, and if we never try to look within ourselves for the reason, it can hit the deepest trough-suicide.

Where does God come in all this? Why doesn't He (or She) lift a finger to rescue us hapless beings from our misery? Why does he allow mass massacres in Cambodia, wars all over the world, genocides in Bosnia, tsunamis in Asia, torture, starvation deaths in Eritrea and Somalia?

I haven't yet received an authentic response from God for this question, but I've concluded that God has nothing to do with this: it is all about ourselves.

Yes, taking the responsibility squarely on our own shoulders is the best option. I alone am responsible for whatever I am now. Buddha said: We are what we think. What we are now is what we have thought. What we will be is what we are thinking NOW.
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The Truth About Dale Carnegie

Like most self help fans, I too had been an ardent follower of Dale Carnegie. His "Stop worrying, start living", " How to win friends and influence people", and other works were the primary inspiration in personal development for me.

So, it came as a rude shock when a friend told me that Dale Carnegie had committed suicide. A shock that left a wound in my teenage faith.

Those were the days prior to the Internet and I never got to verify the truth. Today, I finally found it on Wikipedia: Dale Carnegie died of Hodgkin's disease, complicated with uremia, on November 1, 1955.

Still curious as to the origin of the rumor, I found the answer on Yahoo Answers (please see link below):

Another author by the name of Irving Tressler wrote “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People” as a satirical parody of Dale's classic " How to win friends and influence people". Tressler later committed suicide. Sadly, it was attributed to Dale Carnegie also, probably by a mischief maker, him being more famous.

Justice prevails, doesn't it?


.  

Sources: 

http://www.thoughtclusters.com/2007/01/dale-carnegies-death/

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080516111228AAbjy7g

http://mrontemp.blogspot.com/2008/07/strange-case-of-irving-dart-tressler.html

Is the fear of failure sabotaging your attempts at personal transformation? Find out: How to overcome the fear of failure

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